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Kari was born in a small rural community north of Niagara Falls just off the shores of Lake Ontario ; Ransomville , NY . She was the youngest of three children, a brother Jeff, and a sister Amanda. As a child, Kari was happy, curious, and outgoing. You would find her playing in the neighborhood with all of the other children. They would all be playing at the park, our home, or maybe that of a neighbor.
She attended Wilson Central Schools and went through the grades with the same group of friends for her entire life. She tried many different activities through the community, including soccer. But, most of the time during games she would be the little one lying on a blanket after being “hurt”, eating a banana. Then, she found cheerleading. She absolutely loved cheering. She would say it required no exercise.
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She was a member of the United Baptist-Christian Church where she was active in the youth group. She went on a mission trip to Tennessee , where they helped an impoverished community make their homes a better place to live; fixing things in the homes and cleaning.
Kari began dating her abuser in November of her senior year of high school, after football cheerleading had ended. By the time basketball cheerleading came up, she had decided not to cheer. We know that he did not want her to, although she gave us a different excuse. Her relationship with him was not a physically abusive one until the day her killed her. |
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As her mother, I did notice changes in Kari. She had always dreamed of becoming a pharmacist, and had attended many workshops and summer programs to help her accomplish this dream. After seeing him for only a short time, she changed what she had wanted to do to what he wanted to do. That plan was to attend the community college where he was going, instead of the state university. I am very sorry that never having been around abusive relationships myself, I was not aware that the changes I was seeing in Kari were so dangerous. We only knew that we did not like the changes that we were seeing.
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I think being from such a small community where “nothing bad ever happens” was a bad thing in this case. None of her friends pieced together what was happening because Kari confided different things to different people. Kari finally broke up with him after several attempts where he threatened suicide. But, she only told one or two friends that this happened, and that was the day before he killed her. |
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As her parents, friends and family we are choosing to speak out. This is not an isolated incident in our community; teen relationship abuse is everywhere. And, the most dangerous time is the period after breaking up. Kari did the right things: she went to a friend's home that he did not know, and she stopped answering his calls and texts. The morning that she went to his home to get her things, she knew that his mother was at home. We want to educate everyone so that a tragedy like this does not have to happen again.
Kari's mom |
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Teen Dating Violence
Dating violence, like domestic violence, is a pattern of controlling, and abusive behaviors of one person over another within a romantic relationship. It can include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and financial abuse. It can occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It knows no boundaries and crosses all lines of race, socio-economic status, etc.
It CAN happen to ANYONE.
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